Today is my anniversary, my second birthday.
By the end of March 2018, I had decided that suicide was the best solution to my dilemma.
In the weeks leading up to the end of March, I had found myself in an unimaginable hell. I could see no way out of the deep dark hole I had fallen into. I had decided that taking my own life was the best solution.
How wrong I was.
I had decided that March 31st was it. I had all my plans in place and was ready. But something didn’t seem right. I couldn’t get the thought out of my head that just maybe there was another way. If life was truly so horrible wouldn’t everyone end up killing themselves? I had no answers to that question.
A few days before on a whim, I just happened to type”suicide therapist seattle” into Google. I had been wondering if there were maybe therapists that specialized in Suicidality. I found this https://www.suicidetherapy.com/ . Apparently there was someone who did just this. So I made an appointment.
March 30th was the day I met “F” the suicidologist. What transpired over the next 3 months was nothing short of magical. I became something I had long forgotten about. I remembered who I was.
Sometimes we lose direction, sometimes we fall apart, sometimes we forget.
Here we are 2 years later, the world seems like its spiraling out of control, not unlike I was just 2 years ago. When things fall apart, only then can we pick up the pieces and put them back together.
It’s like trying to assemble a jigsaw puzzle, that has no edge pieces and we don’t have the box with the picture on it anymore. We don’t know how many pieces there are supposed to be, and we don’t know what it will look like in the end. We need to ask questions, imagine what shape it could be, become curious as to what the assembled picture might look like. Maybe we discover some of the pieces don’t even belong to this puzzle. Maybe we realize all the pieces are the same. We need to be imaginative and curious in regards to what the final picture will look like.
Just as I was not able to reassemble myself alone, it took a wyrd therapist, friends, family, ancestors, YOU and ME, it will take us all collectively to imagine how the pieces go together.