As I sat in the coffee shop across from my partner and next to my son that Sunday afternoon something happened. As I sat there I looked over to the table next to us where 3 college students were chatting and goofing around. On the table in front of them sat a book, On the spine, it read “Gravity’s Rainbow – Thomas Pynchon”. It struck a note in me and I looked it up on Google. In reading the Wikipedia article about it I noticed the mention of Finnegan’s Wake by James Joyce. Some time ago someone had mentioned Finnegans Wake to me, as I have a small collection of “difficult books”.
Category: Life
A Puzzling Predicament
Today is my anniversary, my second birthday.
By the end of March 2018, I had decided that suicide was the best solution to my dilemma.
In the weeks leading up to the end of March, I had found myself in an unimaginable hell. I could see no way out of the deep dark hole I had fallen into. I had decided that taking my own life was the best solution.
How wrong I was.
I had decided that March 31st was it. I had all my plans in place and was ready. But something didn’t seem right. I couldn’t get the thought out of my head that just maybe there was another way. If life was truly so horrible wouldn’t everyone end up killing themselves? I had no answers to that question.
And then the Overwhelm
What is happening?
We all are experiencing something that we had yet to experience. Things are chaotic and wild. New information bombards us with an intense frequency. Fear, panic, malaise, trepidation.
What are we to do?
How about nothing?
Let’s go back 3 months ago. We had no idea this was coming. We went about our lives as we usually do. Things seemed OK. We had lower levels of anxiety and fear. Our schedules were just as they always were. In effect, we went about our daily lives as we normally do.
A Day Like Any Other
Today began just like most days: wake up, brush my teeth, coffee and some food. Little did I know what would be required of me this day.
Around 11:30 am I went to meet a friend, I ran to the coffee shop, we visited for a while and then I ran back home. When I got home there was a text from my son.
“Hey dad, so last night I stayed at Brian’s and so this morning his father almost died and we had to call 911 and all that jazz, just learned he died. Could you call the school because I really don’t want to be there”