Category: Reality

It all started out with me posting this on social media

Between what I think, what I want to say, what I believe I am saying, what I say, what you want to hear, what you hear, what you believe you understand, what you want to understand and what you understood, there are at least nine possibilities for misunderstanding. – Francois Garagnon

This quote reminded me of a quote by Cooley

I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.
― Charles Horton Cooley read more

Sometimes things happen around us that are great views into what goes on inside of us.

This last weekend I had a friend over, she was playing around on my pull-up bar that is in the doorway to the kitchen. It seemed as if she were struggling a bit, and then she said something like “this is hard I might hit my head”

My pull-up bar is at the top of the doorway between the hallway and the kitchen. Above it on the hallway side is a climbing board. If you were to stand facing into the kitchen and do a pull-up you would smack your head into the bottom edge of the climbing board. Which is exactly what she was doing.

I stopped and thought for a brief moment and said “let go, turn around and try it again” by standing facing away from the kitchen into the hallway, you won’t hit your head on the climbing board. Once she realized this, we both had a good laugh.

So what is this about?

She was so focused on not hitting her head, she couldn’t see anything else. All that she could see was that as she did a pull-up she would hit her head. She couldn’t see that there were choices, the choice to not hit her head. That taking a step back would give a different perspective, other choices.

I think that a lot of times we are so focused on not getting hurt, or trying to avoid pain, that this focus keeps us from seeing clearly, from seeing the bigger picture. Like maybe not hitting your head.

So maybe try letting go and standing somewhere else.

Just a thought…

“In the psychical sphere there are no facts, but only interpretations of them.”
― Otto Rank

 

 

Up until May 6th, 1954 no one had ever run a mile in faster than 4 minutes.

The conditions people believed were needed to break that barrier were – no wind, a dry hard track, and a multitude of cheering fans.

On May 6th, 1954 Roger Bannister arrived at the track it was cold, the track was wet, the wind was blowing 15 miles per hour, and there were only a few thousand spectators to cheer him on. For all intents and purposes, not a good recipe for what he was attempting to do.

Up until that day experts, doctors and “authorities” claimed that the 4-minute mile was impossible if not deadly. The general belief was that running a 4-minute mile was not possible and potentially lethal.

Roger decided to run that day anyway. His time was 3 minutes 59.4 seconds

He had achieved what was believed to not be possible. He had done so in conditions that were not conducive to making it possible.

How? Because he believed it was possible.

Prior to that day, the 4-minute mile was just slightly out of reach by 1.4 seconds, which had been the case for 9 years. 46 days later on June 21, 1954  Bannister’s record was broken at 3 minutes 57.9 seconds.

The prevailing belief system that it was impossible and deadly had been shattered.

A few things to ponder.

What is your metaphorical 4-minute mile?

What beliefs do you have that are keeping you stuck where you are?

What conditions do you believe are required to become unstuck?

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”
― Henry Ford

 

 

 

 

 

 

For the first time in many years, I was alone on Christmas Eve. It was difficult and made me feel sad, aren’t we supposed to be with others on the holiday?  I spent some of the time pondering aloneness. Why do we feel it, what is it and is it OK to feel alone?

In a way, we are all alone, and that just is. When you get down to the root of it we are alone, but yet we aren’t alone. I say this because when it comes down to it, we are only responsible to ourselves, we can change nothing but ourselves.  But yet this wonderful thing we call “life” wouldn’t be what it is without others.

Being with these thoughts and feelings all day left me in an interesting place. I was chatting with a friend later in the day and told him of my aloneness. He invited me over. I respectfully declined as I didn’t want to drive that far and had sort of become one with my aloneness. There was more to examine.

There were several things that contributed to my aloneness. My 2 sons were with their mother, my girlfriend was with her son, some of my closest friends don’t live nearby. This all left me feeling alone and distraught.

Around 7 pm I decided to go for a walk. I went along my usual walking route. The streets were silent, homes were filled with people, yards with twinkling lights, I walked alone in the cold evening.

As I walked along 6th Ave I saw a woman in an alcove, she was alone and eating food from a paper plate. As I passed, I smiled at her, she looked up and had tears in her eyes. I kept on going, thinking now about how she was alone, how she sat there on the cold cement trying to stay out of the rain.

I continued walking for a mile or 2 and was starting to get chilled, so I turned around and walked back the other way. As I approached the section of the street where the woman was huddled in the storefront I wondered, does she have a place to stay? Why is she alone? What is her story?

As I passed her I stopped and knelt down and asked: “Are you OK?”.  She shook her head and looked up at me. I moved across from her and sat down on the cold concrete. And she started to talk, she told me of her trials and tribulations, she told me about her family and her life on the street. She told me how she hadn’t seen her kids in 7 years, about her health problems, and her rocky relationship status.

For the next hour, I sat and listened, listening to her unwind her story, I could clearly see in a way how she and I were experiencing the same Christmas Eve. But yet here we were neither of us were alone now. She told me about her struggles with depression, drug use, and suicide. How was her situation different from where I had sat so many years ago?

She wasn’t different from what I was. We each had trials and tribulations,  though she was still stuck in hers.

I could see myself in her.

After listening to her for an hour, it was getting late, I started to get up and excuse myself. I asked her what her name was she said “Mary”, She asked me mine and I introduced myself.  I remember thinking what can I do to help her? What does she need?

As I stood there I said, ” Mary, remember the most important thing you can do is care for you.” She looked up and smiled, she really smiled.

Sometimes our aloneness is a gift. A gift to share with others.

 

 

 

 

• Black & White
• Right & Wrong
• You & Me
• Mine & Yours
• The light and the dark

These are all ways we view the world around us. They exist at the ends of a spectrum. Dualistic, extreme, polarized. What about all the things in-between? All the shades of gray that exist between black and white, between right and wrong, between you and me?

Each of these opposites cannot exist without the polarizing opposite. How can you see the light unless you know what the dark is? How can you be right unless you can also be wrong?

But what about the middle, where things are less exact, less defined, and more nebulous, hazy and vague? That’s where it gets difficult. We like to see things like this or that, black and white. It’s easier, less gray, less nebulous. We like things to be clear and exact. read more

“We create the world that we perceive, not because there is no reality outside our heads, but because we select and edit the reality we see to conform to our beliefs about what sort of world we live in. The man who believes that the resources of the world are infinite, for example, or that if something is good for you then the more of it the better, will not be able to see his errors, because he will not look for evidence of them. For a man to change the basic beliefs that determine his perception – his epistemological premises – he must first become aware that reality is not necessarily as he believes it to be. Sometimes the dissonance between reality and false beliefs reaches a point when it becomes impossible to avoid the awareness that the world no longer makes sense. Only then is it possible for the mind to consider radically different ideas and perceptions.”
― Gregory Bateson read more