I have always been very open about who I am and the struggles I have gone through. I hide none of it and don’t intend to. As a culture and society, we are reluctant to share our deep dark secrets, the things we have struggled with, and where we think we have failed. Life can be an absolute shit show at times, if we can accept this and examine it, we can grow.
Why do we do this? Are we afraid of what people will think of us? Are we reluctant to share our struggles because no one will understand? Are we worried that we will be rejected because of our faults?
Are we afraid that if people knew our struggles that they may think less of us? Of course, we are! I would propose that when we don’t speak honestly and truthfully that the same thing happens. You can’t control what others see you as they will make that shit up anyway. That’s their story, not yours. Only by being open and honest can we create our own story. A story based on truth and integrity.
Someone once said to me, “If you don’t define yourself, others will do it for you”
Why is this all so hard?
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
C.G. Jung
I think we make it so difficult because peering into the darkness is scary, uncomfortable, and seems illogical. If we want to feel better, to change, we just need to ignore the darkness.
Right?
Wrong.
As I have written about before you cannot have light without darkness, or vice versa. Only by examining the dark can we understand the light. Only by digging in the dark and unearthing what is there can we find the buried treasure of the self.
At first glance, it seems that it would be easier to look where it isn’t so dark. Where its easier to see. This is called the Street Light Effect
A policeman sees a drunk man searching for something under a streetlight and asks what the drunk has lost. He says he lost his keys and they both look under the streetlight together. After a few minutes the policeman asks if he is sure he lost them here, and the drunk replies, no, and that he lost them in the park. The policeman asks why he is searching here, and the drunk replies, “this is where the light is”
This is a type of observational bias, where we search for something where its easiest to look. Of course its easier to look under the street lamp. But is that where you lost the key?
Maybe you need to get a flashlight. And a shovel.